On taking care of details

Happy new year, dear reader. I hope you rang it in with panache, and that your resolutions included a renewed commitment to hedonism (stoicism and self denial are well and truly out in 2025). As we stare down the barrel of a chilly January, what better moment to set some intentions around feeling really, really good this year? And where better to start than in the middle of a heap of beautiful bodies?

The diligent amongst you will recall the first part of my series on orgies, play parties and group scenes, in which we discussed locations. Now, in part two, let’s move to some of the more practical aspects of planning, to ensure your event goes without a hitch. 

Do your research (the fun kind)

Throwing a sex party is a very different experience to attending one, and it always pays off to attend some others first, to get a sense of what you do (and don’t) like in a group setting. Then, it’s time to get a little selfish. The real upside of throwing your own event is being able to tailor it very specifically to your own desires, so spend some time thinking about what these are, and what you’d really like to experience. If you’re a hardcore sub, this is your opportunity to assemble a crack team (now, now) of dominants to put you in your place. Perhaps you’re voyeuristic, and prefer to spend the evening watching. Or if you’ve been harbouring a crush on a beautiful couple, this is the perfect moment to invite them and see if it’s reciprocated. Sometimes group scenes can be a little overwhelming in the moment, so feeling clear and confident about what you want in advance can bring richer rewards. 

Don’t get too stressed

Hosting a party of any kind - let alone a slutty one- can feel like a lot of pressure, and being a conscientious host can be a bit of a mixed blessing. If (like me), you’re drawn to taking care of every little detail, whole parties can fly by before you realise you’ve focused on everyone else’s good time besides your own. Plan ahead to minimise how much you have to deal with on the day, with a focus on the essentials discussed here: a nice space, thoughtful touches and a welcoming atmosphere. Then ideally you want to surrender to a healthy dollop of the unknown, and allow the evening to flow in its own unique direction.  The goal here is connection, rather than anything too perfect, and the unexpected moments often become the most memorable (as anyone who was present at my now-infamous 2019 New Year’s Eve orgy featuring a small firework incident can attest)

Make introductions

A little pre-party buzz can be a powerful thing, so about a week out, start a group chat with your attendees, where they can introduce themselves, send horny selfies and share more about what they’re into. These groups can be an excellent ice breaker, ease any pre party nerves and get everyone’s imaginations running wild in the run up.

Agreements

As with all the best parties, mutual trust and understanding is what allows things to really go with a bang. Before the party, and using that nifty little group chat you’ve already created, start a conversation about expectations and boundaries with your guests. For example, you may want to all agree on safer sex practices, such as using condoms on all toys, or on a ‘no phones, no photos’ rule. Boundaries around space can be helpful too: If your venue allows (and I hope it does), I’d suggest designating one space more social than sexual, where people can relax away from fucking. If people want to do specific kind of kinky play that might be at odds with a more sensual, vanilla dynamic, you can suggest that this take place in a separate space too. 

Lighting

It was the goddess Mariah Carey who once said that overhead Lighting is “torture”, and I’m inclined to agree. There is truly no quicker way to cancel out a sexy vibe than with poor lighting, so if you’re asking people to come over and roll around naked with you, you need to get this part right. First rule is: no big light. Make sure you’re using soft, ambient lighting from the sides of the room (lamps and candles are your friend), and where possible, make that light a warm tone. To go the extra mile, make like a 2017 Airbnb host and invest in some filament bulbs - your guests will thank you. 

Music

Allegedly it’s the food of love, so neglect your play party playlist at your peril.  You’ll want something atmospheric and sexy but not too intrusive - personally I find anything overly lyrical a bit too distracting when getting lost in the moment. Your music choices might also be dictated by the sort of party you’re throwing: For something fun and flirty, I lean towards nice, long house and Disco mixes, but for a BDSM-focused event, you can’t go wrong with standard issue dark techno or a bit of Boy Harsher. Keep the volume in check so that people can talk and flirt, at least at first. When clothes start coming off, crank it up a bit. 

For those especially concerned with aesthetics (and I can only assume you are, seeing as you’ve landed on my site), you can add an additional sensory element through projecting visuals onto the ceiling or wall of your party. Pick your favourite Four Chambers films and let them work their beautiful alchemy on your guests. Choose well and you may even spot some familiar faces from KLE.  

Drink 

Decide what you want to do about intoxicants and then let your guests know the plan. Some booze can be a lovely thing, but too much is guaranteed to tip your orgy into the wrong form of bacchanalian excess. This is an environment where the getting and giving of consent needs to be super clear, and you can facilitate that by not going too wild with the champagne order and ensuring you have some delicious soft drinks available too. Besides: considering things will likely descend into a sweaty, slippery puddle of bodies, you’ll want to ensure everyone’s hydrated.  

And on that note, I’ll leave your imagination to wander further. As always, get in touch if you’d like a little help planning a group scene of your own - I’m an enthusiastic party planner with a little black book to die for. And stay tuned for the final instalment, where I’ll talk guest lists and chemistry, including how to get the perfect balance of people for the occasion. Until then, don’t have too much fun without me.