On getting together
As anyone who’s ever found themselves seated around my table knows, I love hosting. And never more so than when the event in question is decidedly adult. I’ve been known to throw my fair share of dirty weekends, play parties and even a couple of extended, immersive fantasy roleplay events (buy me a martini and ask very nicely and I’ll tell you the story of the Sex Hospital I once stage managed), and I’m always eager for more. In part this is because group experiences are an eternally-potent fantasy for me, but also because each occasion is an opportunity to explore new chemistries and new constellations. When a brand new cast takes to the stage, who knows what magic they might create together?
With this in mind, I thought I’d facilitate more group encounters by sharing my experience in a blog series focused on how to throw an unforgettable private play party. These posts will cover the logistical details as well the more personal ones, to ensure a naughty time is enjoyed by all. And if this series prompts you to seize the night and organise your own special event for me and a bevy of the sexiest escorts in London, who am I to resist? (Ulterior motive? Me?)
Let’s kick things off with that most crucial of components: Location. Setting the scene is of vital importance for an erotic event. The right environment will go a huge way to getting everyone in the mood, whilst the wrong one can result in a terminal loss of erotic energy from the start. Working from the basic principles of comfort, space and vibe, here are a few locations that fire my imagination, as well as having all the spatial necessities for a first-class play party
There are tragically few hotels in London that are relaxed about you having a bit of a party in them, so god bless Soho’s newest addition, Chateau Denmark, which comes with thoroughly soundproofed walls and rooms inspired by temptation and decadence. The hotel includes a series of 1 and 2 bedroom apartments, which I (plus Margot Alderton, Sofia Miles and Ava Faye) can attest, suit a group event perfectly. Each apartment has a generous sitting room to accommodate your guests, an amazing sound system, gorgeous bathrooms and an incredibly well stocked bar. The even better news is that they come with a private entrance, to spare your blushes with the front desk.
On the other side of town is this Bethnal Green stalwart. The rooms make a strong case for minimalist chic, but where the hotel really comes into is own is the enormous De Montford suite. With triple height ceilings, stained glass windows and Henry Poole sculptures, the room is a blend of modern luxury and historical charm. Crucially, its general ‘fuck off-ness’ provides adequate wow factor for any erotic occasion, as well as ample space for getting up to no good. There’s even a grand piano to make sweet music on/with, and glass partitions on the mezzanine for your inner exhibitionist.
Admittedly, Antwerp is quite a way to travel for a party, but when the space is as beautiful as SPNKD, it’s surely worth making a weekend of it. For those of us burdened with both kinky desires and exquisite taste (to paraphrase the late, great Victoria Wood, I simply wish to beaten on the bottom with a rolled up copy of World of Interiors) there’s a chronic shortage of venues that meet both those needs in London. SPNKD feels genuinely unique in this regard - beautiful, chic and large enough to host your nearest and dearest. My favourite details are the bondage-firendly mid century leather day bed, the huge open plan shower, complete with hard points and the antique brass metal work that provides a world of possibilities. They’re allegedly opening a London branch in the near future, so keep your fingers and toes (but not your legs) crossed that this dream comes true soon.
A Converted Turkish Bath House by the Sea
One of my special skills is scanning a seemingly innocuous airbnb listing, and instantly assessing its suitability for an orgy. This one passed with flying colours.
Atmospheric architecture and vaunted ceilings? Check. A gloriously large social area replete with its own antique bowling lane for when you’re all having a cute time getting to know each other a little more? Check. Large cinema room with a huge flat bed sofa that seems ideal for a porn screening and a writhing mass of bodies? Check. Two roll top baths for the post-play wind down? Check and check
Located in Hastings, it’s a stone's throw from London, which means orgiastic abandon on Saturday night followed by brisk walks by the sea on Sunday. Perfect.
Mapperton Hall & Middleton Castle
For those with a real appetite for debauchery, a stately home can be the ideal backdrop for a weekend of hedonism. The events I’ve attended in these environments have been some of the most memorable, because there’s nothing like getting all dressed up in your finery for a civilised dinner, all the while fantasising about putting your four poster bed to good use.
Environments like these truly allow you and your guests to sink back into a form of luxury and indulgence, or maybe explore some Gosford Park/Upstairs Downstairs roleplay. They come into their own in the summer of course, when you’ve got beautiful gardens to explore, but never underestimate the ‘Sons and Lovers’ factor: a roaring fire can be a powerful thing. Either way - this an occasion for high glamour, simmering sexual tension and a commitment to reckless abandon.
Inspired? I should hope so. Of course, this is hardly an exhaustive list, just a smattering of options designed to get the proverbial cogs turning. Next, I’ll dive into the practical planning you’ll need to do before throwing your event, because the devil really is in the detail. Stay tuned.
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*A note on permissions: In some situations, I’m a proponent of the idea that it’s better to ask for forgiveness for permission, but not in this instance. All these locations are happy with private/non commercial parties, and I’d strongly advise you to avoid spaces which aren’t - not least because as the host, you’re liable to spend the entire event a little stressed about getting an unwelcome knock on the door.
If the venue is kosher with a private event, I take the view that what consenting guests get up to at that event is entirely up to them - just respect the space, and avoid scandalising any neighbours or damaging any furniture - because trust me, explaining to an Airbnb host how you broke a king size bed isn’t fun.